Thursday, 29 March 2012

...Rambles Random

So this weeks ramble has been inspired by my trip to the black hair shop in Thornton Heath. I haven't been in one for years but the giant tub of coconut oil I had been using had whittled itself down to the dredgs that no one wants to use. You know the dirty end bits that have somehow contracted an unholy amount of hair and dust and you have to run you finger around the rim to scrape out the last few hairy morsels. However I digress.

What shocked me about this shop wasn't how spankingly clean it was (there was a man with a feather duster ala Kim and Aggie, making sure all the tubs/bottles/jars were as clean and shiny as they can be) - clearly I have been visting the wrong type of hair shops... No what shocked me was the amount of fake hair they had. Everywhere. Obviously in it's packets, not lounging around the shop, turning itself into strange tumbleweeds and roaming the streets of South London.

Now I don't use fake hair. I'm lucky enough to have hair that grows ridiculously fast, thanks to my Indian mother but it doesn't stop me from wondering where they hell they get all that hair from? Is it necessary? It wasn't your bog standard fake hair that my older sisters used to use. You know the synthetic hair, the one you had to burn the ends of and it somehow glued itself together. The new generation of hair is human hair. Not 10%, not 50% but 100% human hair.

From what I remember of my big sis doing her hair it took at least 2 and a half packets of hair to complete her whole hair do. So if 60 women came into the shop buying 3 packets of real human hair each thats what, 180 packets of human hair every day being sold. (I'm not that great at maths don't worry, this here laptop has a calculator). I'm not judging people that use fake hair, it's their prerogative. What I don't understand is where it all comes from! And this my friends is a dangerous topic for my already overactive imagination.

As soon as I saw all the hair all I could think of was hundreds of "real hair farms". Where thousands of people are hooked up to machines pumping chemicals into their bodies to make their hair grow super fast, super glossy and most of all tangle free. Creepy...

I know it's not true and it is my over active imagination and as the teacher I work with informed me, it's all probably Eastern European or Indian hair anyway so not to worry. But that in itself is a bleak, bleak concept.

Anyway, I feel like I have rambled (get it, rambled?) on about my obsession with real human hair for far too long and may have made a few of you tune out and wonder why you're reading about one girls obsession with "real hair farms" (the longer you think about it the more real and dystopian it gets by the minute). So I'll leave you with my final point and no it's not about hair (enough already!)

My social experiment has ended. I hear a collective sigh and no it is all that bad and yes most of the men on these websites are fucking creepy and no the 2nd date didn't end well. Sods law really. However I have met someone the "natural" way. You know the way mother nature intended. If you can call it that and so far things are looking good. Ironically he has taught me to like myself again and this my friends is a hard thing to do, especially as the mean reds (no I'm not talking periods, I'm talking "Breakfast at Tiffanys" and if you've seen it you'll know what I mean and if you haven't then bloody well watch it) keep popping their heads around my metaphorical living room door every 2 hours to question me on what I think is happening is actually really happening or if it's a made up image of an already twisted mind. Thankfully he hasn't sussed out how crazy I am. I may leak it within a couple of weeks and see the reaction. Hopefully he won't run.

Heres hoping.


  1. I challenge you to write a short story about 'real hair farms' some proper dystopian sci-fi shit. It'd be a real break from your usual themes and I'd really love to see how you handle a different genre! -x-

  2. Lee Dhanipersad31 March 2012 at 13:02

    Funny shiz Rach