Tuesday, 1 January 2013

...Tales from Thailand - from Bangkok to Koh Phangnan.

Well here we are cyber fiends. It's the first of January 2013 and I'm sitting in a "resort" in Thailand, drinking a Chang and contemplating just how much I should tell you! A year ago I would never have believed I'd be sitting in Thailand on new years day but here I am, funny old world really isn't it?

So where to begin? The trip to Bangkok was horrendous. The bus was over packed so I ended up sitting on a plastic chair in the aisle, so ridiculous but it was either that or not get on the bus and that was not an option. So I took the plastic chair and proceeded to fall asleep. I then managed to loose my ticket on the bus and the really helpful ticket man refused to let me back on the bus. I told him regardless of what happens I am getting back on that bus and so he said he'd call the bus company and I told him to go ahead. How else did he think I got on the bus in the first place? So after that hoopla I make it to the border and well, that was a fucking nightmare. I have never felt so suicidal in my life. We were subjected to four hours in the sun, in a queue that barely moved, only to get to into the "office" and have it take 20 minutes to pass from Cambodia to Thailand. If you want to break someone please send then to the Cambodia/Thai border and have them wait with one backpack on their back and one on their front for four hours, with no food and no toilet. It sucked arse.

The rest of the journey was relatively pain free, apart from the fact I arrived in Bangkok at 10.15pm having missed the last night buses, trains and I had absolutely nowhere to stay. I was screwed. Luckily a group of lads took pity on me and found me somewhere to stay and where to buy my bus and boat ticket for the next day (which I promptly lost. I don't know what's wrong with me but I shouldn't be allowed to keep hold of ANY tickets EVER). We then proceeded to have dinner and go watch a ping pong show. I don't think I've seen anything so scarring in my life. I just don't get how they managed to fit so many things up themselves? Like, how is it possible? One woman had like a 4 metre chain up her fanny, which she then unravelled piece by piece to reveal the full enormity of her vagina. How? HOW?! Out of the whole "show" the worst part was watching the women's faces. They were totally blank, glassy eyed "performers" and all I could think was how did you end up here? What happened? When did you realise you could write with your fanny? Who put the chain up you? WHY CAN YOU MAKE YOUR ARSE WHISTLE??? Alas all of these questions have gone unanswered and so I shall move on, a little bit scared with way too many mental images to last me a lifetime.

The next day I was accosted by an Indian fortune teller who proceeded to tell me a lot of stuff I secretly knew myself and then he pulled a big trick out of the bag and wrote down my mum's middle name, the name of my ex and how old I was. The only thing he got wrong was my age. I don't think I can explain properly how completely and utterly freaked out I was. I literally wanted to run. My mum's middle name isn't something that is easy to spell, even I forget how to spell it sometimes and no I won't tell you what is (those of you who know my family know what it is but that's fine, I won't tell if you won't). So after that experience I was more then ready to get on my bus and head down to the island to meet all the other girls. But ho! I forgot, I lost my bloody ticket didn't I? Ha! Luckily I managed to get a copy of it and then I was on my way. I spent the journey gently napping and being entertained by an Aussie guy hopped up on xanax. It was a brilliant journey.

So in total I travelled for 2 days to get to Koh Phangnan and I can gladly say that it was worth the travelling. It is so beautiful here. The weather's been pretty shit but it's been really nice to see the girls again. The full moon party was, well, words can't really describe the experience. I definitely won't do it again and I'm not sure if I liked it...but I'm glad I went and experienced it. So yeah, I'm having a good time, I'm drinking a copious amount of beer and staying as far away as possible from any Indian man wearing a turban. Next stop will be Koh Tao and then back up to Bangkok to join Roni for the next leg of our adventure. I can't bloody wait.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you make it what you want.

Big Ocean crossing love ya'll.

No comments:

Post a Comment