Saturday, 30 June 2012

...Absurd Accordings

Evening chaps and chappettes, it's been one hell of a month, hence the lack of blogs BUT that does mean I get to ramble on and on and on because I have loads stored up. So grab a glass of your favourtie liquid, sit back, relax and let me entertain you.

So where to begin? Well race day is tomorrow and I'm bricking it. Mainly because I haven't been able to train as hard as I wanted due to the fact I pulled all the tendons in my ankle trying to kill a mosquito. Needless to say I didn't kill the mosquito, the war still rages on. Damn mossies. So I've had to take it slow, not run as fast as I want to or as fast as I know I can, which is really infuriating. However this will not slow me down! I will prevail! All I need is someone to run next to me playing "Eye of the Tiger" on a portable musical playing device and scream motivational quotes at me - any takers?

I have however raised more money then I expected to thanks to the generosity of my co-workers and family - you guys rock! No certain sum yet, but I'll let you know once I know. I do know theres roughly around 2 grand more to make - which is easily done, well that's what I keep telling myself. Don't be afraid to hit the donate bottom on the top of the page to help me along - every little helps!

I do have that niggling doubt that creeps to the forefront every now and then that tells me I just won't make it. It's a large sum of money to earn but my determination is great. I think more then anything it is the fear of change. Everything is changing and for me it's hard to let go of control. I want so desperately to make it and the idea of failure scares me. The idea of getting out there and not loving it, not being able to enjoy myself or feeling completely overwhelmed really frightens me. So does the epic list of things that must be done before I leave. It's a long list, like a really, really long list. But I guess that's what change is all about right? Not everything is easy, change is difficult and it's the fear of the unknown that drives the niggle onto my shoulder and lets it whisper in my ear.

Now the absurdness of my according comes from my nosiness (eep), right now, whilst writing this I am also watching "Confessions of an Animal hoarder" and all I can say is wow. These people have like 40-50 animals, it is insane and obviously American (sorry guys, but you lot are nuts). I just don't know how they can live with so many animals. I get that it's like a mental sickness but seriously? The smell that must come from their house, their person, must be overwhelming, because none of these pets are house trained (obviously!) and they shit and wee EVERYWHERE! One womans house was crumbling because the ammonia in the animal wee was rotting her floorboards. I do feel for these people, it must be hard not being able to let something go and it's clearly a transference of emotions. They feel they need to love something and animals need love, they don't talk back and they will never leave. It's sad but makes for perfect tv, which in itself is sad.

So not too absurd folks, quite subdued and I'll leave you with a poem by Imtiaz Dharker which is fast becoming one of my favourites. It's called "Carving".

Others can carve out

their space

in tombs and pyramids.

Our time cannot be trapped

in cages.

Nor hope, nor laughter.

We let the moment rise

like birds and planes and angels

to the sky.

Eternity is this.

Your breath on the window pane,

living walls with shining eyes.

The surprise of spires,

uncompromising verticals. Knowing

we have been spared

to lift our faces up

for one more day,

into one more sunrise.

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