Tuesday, 16 August 2011

...A Conversation

This is a conversation I had with one of the delivery guys at work. It's all his side of the conversation. It made my day so I thought I'd share it.

So how you doing? You alright yeah? What’s that in your hand? Hand cream yeah? Smell nice? Can I smell it? Oh yeah, it smells lovely. What is it? Camomile yeah, that’s why it smells so nice. Do you like to moisturise? Do it often do you? Yeah I like to moisturise coz my skin on my face you see gets these red bumps after I shave and I asked my barber Dave and he said to use a cold towel before and after but it doesn’t work you know so I moisturise to keep it soft.

So how was your weekend? You were here were you. Get no free time no? Not for dates? Dinner date? Theatre date? Picnic date? Do you like picnics? I do. I think they’re nice. I’m lying really I just like to go to the park and feed the ducks. You like to feed ducks? Never done it? You know some people like to watch them I like to feed them. It’s like trainspotting but I feed ducks. Not duck spotting because I feed them you know. 

So what do you do? You go to college? An actress! Really? How old are you? 24? What have you been in? Ah so what do you want to do? Theatre? Not Eastenders no? How about dramatization? Singing? You wanna be in something like Grease? Or Xanadu? You seen Xanadu? It’s great, it’s on rollerskates you know. Oh that’s great that. I wanted to be a model but you know I have the body for it, but you know. Your supposed to agree. Yeah Mike you do have the body, thanks a lot. Yeah I know I’m fit coz I carry barrels.  But I don’t carry them, I get him to do it, I’m only a skinny lad. They’re heavy. But it’s life isn’t it. It’s just a lie. You wait around for something to happen and then before you know it’s over and I’m stuck lifting barrels for a living. 

(After a short pause he comes inside and pets Clarence – the pub dog and then goes down into the cellar, singing to himself – then he comes back up)

So what’s your name? Rachel? That’s a lovely name. I’m Mike. Can you cook? That’s good. Do you live with friends? Your sister? So you’re an auntie? How many sisters you got? 4! Wow. You don’t want kids no? Why not? 

Can you sign this?

You know I just want to be loved. That’s all. Like when you’re cuddled in bed and you’re getting your hair stroked. Or your neck, you know this bit right here, it’s nice you know. It’s not the same when you do it yourself. Yeah you might get bored of it, then you mix it up do a little twist, but I like it. I just wanna be loved. I’ll carry these myself shall I? I’m gonna go unloved, wanting to be loved. You guys have a good day yeah.  


  1. A one sided conversation. I'm sure I know a writer who employed this very same trick in a story called Stephs Gold Medal ;)

  2. Well I'm going to have to check that out then!