These are just gentle ramblings from the thoughts that have been spinning around my head these last couple of weeks. Lately I've been thinking about love. Or what love should be like and like all my musings it all started with a book. A good book but a book that explored the depths that one would go to secure their love and never, ever let it go. Sounds a bit deep right? Well it was. And it's got me thinking.
How did it start?
It started with a kiss right?
Or with a look?
An attraction, something indefinable but acute nonetheless.
Do we all know what we want or are we latching onto a love that we think we need because of all the films that are out at the moment. Think about it, the last lot of films that came out of Hollywood last year were about fuck buddies. Fuck buddies who then fall into love. Or should I say "love". About vampires and humans falling madly in love and that possessive-ness that comes from an all consuming love. But that's what it's all about right? That's what I want, right? I want to be consumed, to be needed. That comfort you feel from another person. But then is it the need for love of comfort? Are the two interchangeable? Do I just need to be comforted? Should I just get another cat?!
But will that stop the feeling of desire, the feeling to be wanted, loved?
As a social experiment (or so I keep telling myself) I joined a dating website, you know to gain a few new character perspectives etc and I'm mortified. I never thought I'd be one of those people. You know, that kind of person who can't interact normally with other human beings so they decide to go online instead were they can hide behind a computer screen. Alas I was wrong, well only a little bit wrong. Some of them do seem like jumped up weirdos who are looking for a Thai bride. But some are not. Apparently after 3 days I have been deemed one of the normals and I have scored myself a date with a seemingly normal human being. Fingers crossed.
It doesn't distract from my previous point however. A point that I'm not sure where the end arguement lies or where I'm exactly going with it. It's a question that I do feel needs an answer. Whether or not I'll get one is another question entirely. More "social experimentation" methinks.
I did need to get this off my chest, or should I say my mind so I can sleep a dreamless sleep tonight.
Heres hoping.
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