...Happy Harping Days 4+5

A man with music coursing through his system to me is so sexual. It's beautiful, brilliant and awe inspiring. I mean proper music, not music made on a machine or the shite that's passing for pop these days but I mean proper proper music. When someone picks up an instrument and puts their story, their life through it. With guitars and drums and soul. What ever happened to soul? Not soul music, just like putting your soul into a record. Making music that your proud to say you made and that generations after you will be connecting to. Who really is going to be connecting to Niki Minaj's, well, Niki Minaj's anything. You won't look back on that in 10 years and say "man that music was poignant, it inspired a whole generation to feel something". The only thing that generation will be feeling is chlamydia. What happened to the music that made you stand up and want to do something, want to feel something, be somebody and not somebody famous or wealthy or hugely endowed, just somebody. So you could look in the mirror and feel proud to call that reflection yours. *sigh* will it ever be that simple? Argh rant over.

So I'm on the last day of solitude. It's been bliss. I haven't had any raucous parties or been so freaked out I've had to sit in a corner of the room clutching a knife....and the cat. There was one night where it nearly happened but I blame "Attack the Block" and my nervous disposition. After my Harry Potter fest I decided to watch all the films I have recorded on the old sky plus box and I started with "Attack the Block". It's very good for what it is and yes I was slightly freaked out by the weird alien things, so much so that when the stairs creaked I jumped out of my skin and went bounding towards the living room door slamming it shut. I'm joking, it wasn't that bad....Next came "The Reader" with Kate Winslet and if you haven't seen it, I think you should it's a really good film. I'm not gonna spoil it but it's fantastic and I can clearly see why Kate Winslet won an Oscar. Today I watched "The Crazies" not as scary as I thought it would be but I'll wait until the wee hours of the morning to see whether or not it has truly affected me - if you know what I mean. I also watched (promise this is the last one) Fleetwood Mac in Boston hence where the above rant came from. It was brilliant and made me want to go to a concert again or a festival. So bummed I can't go to Reading Fest this year, the line up looks absolutely amazing. All those who are there have fun!

The solitude ends today. I'm sad to be saying goodbye to it but I've learnt I can live well on my own and if I could afford to live by myself I totally would! It's given me a lot of time to reflect. I'm leaving in 3 weeks and I'm shitting myself, I'm more nervous about the prospect of change but in my time of reflection (what I'm also calling my week of solitude) I think it will be a brilliant chance to grow as a person *vom* but it's true. i found a video on YouTube about the place I'll be staying. Someone who's gone before me decided to put it up. I'm still not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I watched it yet. I feel like I've taken away some of the mystery (damn you YouTube) but also semi prepared myself for what's to come. If you wanna check it out, this is the link, copy and paste it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b56ZlqtNPA

I'm gonna miss a lot of stuff, a lot of people, my cousin has told me to cram in as much food, culture, love as possible before I leave, so that is precisely what I'm going to do. Starting with a whole packet of chocolate fingers and ending with a lot of love from my favourite people. You will all be missed but hopefully Cambodia will welcome me in with her arms wide open.


Heres hoping.

...Happy Harping Day 2+3

So it's come to this! I've rolled two days together coz I can, it is my blog after all I control it's power MUHAHAHAHAHA!!! Clearly all this time alone has driven me mad....

Well the past 3 days have been an actioned pack, emotional roller coaster, dipping and weaving it's way through my metaphorical journey and dumping me at the end. Yes folks at this present moment, whilst most of you are at work, I have come to the ending. The finale. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part one. It's been emotional. I've laughed, I've cried, I've munched my way through the snack cupboard (oops!) and now here we are. I could give you a detailed description of every film, recounting the screenplay word for word until my fingers are exhausted and my mind has slipped into a world that doesn't exists. However dear friends, it seems like my mind has already wandered.

What I will give you are the bits that I love the most. In list form. Because that's the best form of all. (This is going to be fun isn't it?!)

Number one: "Dufftown" come on J.K.Rowling really? You've been watching a bit too much Simpsons haven't you?

Number two: I love Gary Oldman. In anything. Fact.

Number three: HP4 is brilliant. Mostly it's because Ron comes into his own, all through one look. It's bloody marvellous.

Number four: Ralph Fiennes. He makes Voldermort. He is splendid. I love him. He also delivers one of my favourite lines "I want to see the light leave you eyes!" Most excellent.

Number five: Luna Lovegood. Name says it all really. Dispensing bits of brilliant wisdom throughout the movie like a proverbial butterfly in an orchard. (Yeah I really don't know either, just go with it)

Number six: Dumbledore dying. Enough said.

Number seven: Gary Oldman. He deserves two mentions, he's that good.

Number eight: Dobby. Well Dobby and Kreacher but mainly Dobby.

Number nine: Everything in the last two movies is fantastic. Well apart from one bit between Harry and Voldermort I find absolutely cringe worthy and unnecessary. The rest is wonderful.

Number ten: David Yates. Well done David, you are a brilliant man, you did well turning the movies around from the awful drivel that was the first two into the spectacular circus that is 3 - 7.5. Bravo. You deserve some sort of accolade.

I could go on but we'd be here all day and I don't know about you but I have things that need sorting to. Mainly bills *sigh* how boring and trivial compared to the rich fantasy of cinema. 

I was at a funeral yesterday. My uncles funeral and the minister was going on about how we all die. Which is fair enough, we do all die. It wasn't something that I wanted to hear at that moment. I thought it callous. But having time to reflect upon what he said, I understand now what he means. Life is precious. Cliche I know. It's spilled out constantly, on t.v, in films, through music. But it really is and my friends we should make the most of it. Think about what you really want from you life and go get it. Do things that make you happy. Be spontaneous. It was a sad occasion yesterday but wherever my uncle is, I hope he's happy.

Heres hoping.

...Happy Harping

It's been a while but I'm back! Yes I know I said that last time but I really didn't mean it then, I mean it now though! But please friends don't blame me, blame the lists! The never ending lists, both mental and written. They consume me, gobbling my time and my mental energy and when I think I've done everything a long forgotten list pops up from the back of my brain and reminds me that I actually forgot to do this or post that. It is in fact extremely tiring.

But no more!!

The sister and the boyfriend have decided to have some time alone and gone on holiday - good for them I say, every couple need some time alone, especially so when you have a small person dominating both your time and your attention. This however is brilliant news for me (selfish aren't I?) for it means four whole glorious days alone. Completely alone (now if your planning on some sort of robbery - forget about it. I have a very mean cat and I'm not afraid to throw her.)

Now what will I do with these glorious days? I hear your deafening cries and my friends I will indulge myself and it will begin with one Harry James Potter and end with one Harry James Potter. Childish? Never! Brilliant? ALWAYS! You see I rarely get to watch my beloved box set but now that I have some time alone I will soak up as much of it as I can mentally manage. At this precise moment I am enjoying "The Philosopher's Stone", awful directing, it's like watching Acting 101 but it has a few brilliant one liners, my favourite being "Your a wizard Harry!" Ah love it! I also am completely in love with Robbie Coltrane. Brilliant man, brilliant actor. What I don't understand is once he (Harry) got hold of his gold, why doesn't he invest in trousers that aren't four sizes too big? Emotional attachment? A desperate need to cling on to his old identity? Or maybe the director didn't think it important and I am in fact looking too closely at it. I'll probably place my bets on the latter. It is adorable seeing how small they are and watching them grow *tear*. I could harp on (get it?) about Harry Potter but I'm afraid of boring you my dear friends. But don't dismay, I will update you with all the magnificent, Hogwarts filled magical joy. Bliss.

It is just the thing to take my mind of the fact that I will be departing England's green soil in four short weeks and landing, hopefully completely intact, on Cambodia's sunny shores. It still doesn't feel real. Even as my room fills up with all the things I have to take with me and my credit card bill grows as long as my arm, it all still feels pretty imaginary. As if I will wake on the 17th of September and these past few months have been a cruel joke. Made up by a bored God wishing to have some fun with the lesser beings and unfortunately chose me. I'll probably still be waiting to wake up whilst strapped into my seat on the plane. *sigh* I will be fine. I know I will. I have to be.

Heres Hoping.


P.S I also love the sorting hat.

P.P.S I also love the name Hufflepuff. I met a guy from Hufflepuff, Australia, but that folks is another story all together.

...To Begin

I have lines of poetry flying at me
Intermittently
But I can't grasp them.

Your face holds so much light
That sometimes I can't see it.

I start but I can't end.

The beginnings here have so much weight
That their darkness binds me.

Holding you is my only escape.

...Accordingly Absurd

Howdy cyber pals, it's been (as always) a very, very, very long time. So much so that most people have forgotten the little pocket of internet that I have acquired - but no more! I am back - be it until my brain melts away with the never ending mental lists that unfortunately don't get seen to as much as they should do, but nevertheless we shall press on.

So first and foremost lets give you an update shall we? (Apparently there's more then one of me and I wouldn't be surprised if there was. Lets see which one wants to type eh?)

I would like to say a massive THANK YOU, to all those out there who generously gave money they may not have been willing to part with to help me on my travels. You guys rock. Literally. With your help I have all the money I needed for my ticket (which I booked - more on that later) and a little left over to finish paying for my course.Well done you!

Now I'm a bit apprehensive about the flight. It will be the longest I have ever flown anywhere by myself and to be honest I'm shitting myself. I try to think positive about it, you know the usual mind tricks regarding not dying or missing your connections or losing your luggage or falling asleep on the plane and being fondled...the last one terrifies me the most. Don't get me wrong friends I am not scared of planes, I like the journey, I like the communal feeling of being strapped in a tin plane and flung 30,000 feet in the air, left to the fate of a pilot who may or may not have got his 8 hours of sleep the night before. It's just the length of time I'll be alone. It's 6 hours to Dubai and then a 3 hour stop over, then another 6 hours to Bangkok with another 3 hour stop over and then 1 and a half hours to Siem Reap! It's a long fucking way to be so far from home all alone. I may have to drink, not too heavily that they won't let me on the plane but just enough to numb the feelings of abandonment and homesickness and to obviously stop me from running up and down the lengths of the plane screaming. But as everyone keeps telling me, I will be fine. I have taking that phrase on board and have been using it as a mantra. So when I think of how long I'll be away for or how much money I still need to make and that horrible gut churning feeling begins letting a bit of bile escape my stomach to race up my esophagus to burn the lining of my throat, I think "It will be fine". I may not have an esophagus by the time I leave.

However on a brighter note, the suns out! Woop! It always seems to make everything shiny and new looking. I even cleaned my car and got it washed! Check me out. For you that know me, know that this is something that happens every 6 months or so and my car is a disgusting crumb ridden, spider haven. I in fact found 4 spiders plus their webs and the end of a wasp. I daren't think what happened to his head....

Lets keep up the sun dances folks, if enough of us keep spreading our wings and chanting just like the penguins in "Happy Feet" trying to turn the world and bring back the sun, it may just work. Lets keep it going, I want my intake of Vitamin D and I hope you do to.


Heres hoping.

...Absurd Accordings

Evening chaps and chappettes, it's been one hell of a month, hence the lack of blogs BUT that does mean I get to ramble on and on and on because I have loads stored up. So grab a glass of your favourtie liquid, sit back, relax and let me entertain you.

So where to begin? Well race day is tomorrow and I'm bricking it. Mainly because I haven't been able to train as hard as I wanted due to the fact I pulled all the tendons in my ankle trying to kill a mosquito. Needless to say I didn't kill the mosquito, the war still rages on. Damn mossies. So I've had to take it slow, not run as fast as I want to or as fast as I know I can, which is really infuriating. However this will not slow me down! I will prevail! All I need is someone to run next to me playing "Eye of the Tiger" on a portable musical playing device and scream motivational quotes at me - any takers?

I have however raised more money then I expected to thanks to the generosity of my co-workers and family - you guys rock! No certain sum yet, but I'll let you know once I know. I do know theres roughly around 2 grand more to make - which is easily done, well that's what I keep telling myself. Don't be afraid to hit the donate bottom on the top of the page to help me along - every little helps!

I do have that niggling doubt that creeps to the forefront every now and then that tells me I just won't make it. It's a large sum of money to earn but my determination is great. I think more then anything it is the fear of change. Everything is changing and for me it's hard to let go of control. I want so desperately to make it and the idea of failure scares me. The idea of getting out there and not loving it, not being able to enjoy myself or feeling completely overwhelmed really frightens me. So does the epic list of things that must be done before I leave. It's a long list, like a really, really long list. But I guess that's what change is all about right? Not everything is easy, change is difficult and it's the fear of the unknown that drives the niggle onto my shoulder and lets it whisper in my ear.

Now the absurdness of my according comes from my nosiness (eep), right now, whilst writing this I am also watching "Confessions of an Animal hoarder" and all I can say is wow. These people have like 40-50 animals, it is insane and obviously American (sorry guys, but you lot are nuts). I just don't know how they can live with so many animals. I get that it's like a mental sickness but seriously? The smell that must come from their house, their person, must be overwhelming, because none of these pets are house trained (obviously!) and they shit and wee EVERYWHERE! One womans house was crumbling because the ammonia in the animal wee was rotting her floorboards. I do feel for these people, it must be hard not being able to let something go and it's clearly a transference of emotions. They feel they need to love something and animals need love, they don't talk back and they will never leave. It's sad but makes for perfect tv, which in itself is sad.

So not too absurd folks, quite subdued and I'll leave you with a poem by Imtiaz Dharker which is fast becoming one of my favourites. It's called "Carving".

Others can carve out

their space

in tombs and pyramids.

Our time cannot be trapped

in cages.

Nor hope, nor laughter.

We let the moment rise

like birds and planes and angels

to the sky.

Eternity is this.

Your breath on the window pane,

living walls with shining eyes.

The surprise of spires,

uncompromising verticals. Knowing

we have been spared

to lift our faces up

for one more day,

into one more sunrise.

...The Rachel McKenzie Travel Fund.

In September I will be travelling to Cambodia with Bunac to help teach children and adults to read, write and speak English. This is a voluntary position and I will be in Cambodia for 3 months. For me this is a trip of a life time and in order to get there I need to raise some money. All money raised will go towards flight cost. Now I'm not asking you to just give me money, I'm willing to work for it. How? Well I will be running the Regents Park 10k on the 1st July and for most of you who know me, long distance running isn't one of my strengths. However I am willing to put this aside and run. I appreciate anything that can be spared, I know times are hard but every penny given helps make a pound.

Why my help is needed.

During the time of the Khmer Rouge, Cambodian schools were closed down, teachers were subjected to torture or execution and education of children was almost entirely neglected. When the regime fell in 1979, Cambodia’s educational system had to be built almost from scratch. By this point, huge numbers of the population were illiterate.

The Cambodian educational system is now in the process of redevelopment but it faces huge challenges. Not only is there a lack of skilled English-speaking teachers available but financial restrictions mean that teachers are often paid extremely poorly, leaving schools severely understaffed and classes overcrowded. Adding to this, schools tend to be equipped only with basic facilities. With a rise in tourism in Cambodia, speaking English is a hugely valuable skill but while the national syllabus requires children to learn a foreign language, this is often not possible due to insufficient resources.

Working in underprivileged schools or colleges, or in grass root community projects, volunteers are able to make a genuine contribution on this project by assisting local teachers or taking their own lessons. Though they are primarily required to help equip children and adults with valuable English skills, the role is fairly varied and there are also opportunities for volunteers who wish to organise extra curricular activities to do so. Whether they choose to organise sports days or football matches, or teach arts and crafts, dance or music, volunteers are encouraged to get involved with the school as much as they can in order to help the development of local children.

Cambodia is emerging from a humbling history and although it is beginning to stabilise itself it still faces real tests. This means that volunteers have the opportunity to make a genuine difference to Cambodia on a local level and, in immersing themselves in this unique and lively country, to do something truly rewarding.

So please click on the gaudy donate button to your right and give as much as you can, alternatively you can give through http://www.everydayhero.co.uk/rachel_mckenzie, I appreciate any amount given no matter how small. Please also leave your name in the comment box so I can give you a hearty thank you!